‘Grey divorces’ on the rise in US as elderly couples want time apart; here's how they may be prevented

A research by Brown and I-Fen Lin has found that the divorce rate for those over 50 years of age in the US has been steadily increasing. ‘Grey divorce,’ as it is called, has witnessed a steep rise.

In the US last year, there were around 16 million adults 65 and older who lived alone. This is three times more than there were in the 1960s, CNN reported, and the figure might as well increase in the future.

What is a grey divorce and why is it rising?

Grey divorce involves separation between people who are 50 years of age, or above. High-profile cases include those of Bill and Melinda Gates, Billy Ray and Tish Cyrus, and Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver.

There are several reasons why grey divorces may be on the rise, including abuse and addiction. “If either party suffers from physical, mental, or emotional abuse, they may decide to pursue a divorce. Having a controlling or demeaning partner,” The Clark Law Firm says of abuse.

Of addiction, it says, “If either spouse struggles with porn, alcohol, gambling, or substance abuse issues, their addiction can cause a strain on the marriage. Because of their addiction, they may waste marital funds, lie, or alienate their spouse, which can often lead to frustrations and divorce.” Other reasons could be an increased desire for happiness and financial differences.

One possible reason listed by The Clark Law Firm is ‘empty nest syndrome.’ “As kids grow up and leave the nest (home), older couples may struggle to connect or adapt to life without their children in the home. Older couples may argue more, discover they no longer have a lot in common, or lose interest in things they previously enjoyed once their children leave, which can cause tension and lead to divorce,” it says. There can be many other reasons, including growing apart or falling out of love, infidelity, and lack of intimacy.

Predictability could also be a reason. The Clark Law Firm says, “Sometimes, older couples may settle into a routine. Doing the same day-to-day activities or having the same annual plans can make a couple’s relationship feel predictable or stagnant. If either party feels like their relationship lacks spontaneity, they consider divorce.”

Krista Jordan, PhD, a couples therapist in Austin, Texas told the sexual health platform Giddy, “When there is a grey divorce, usually the couple has had dissatisfaction in the marriage for many years. Careers and children are convenient distractions from the marital issues, and by focusing on these things, partners limp along in a relationship that is actually not viable long-term.”

How can we prevent grey divorces?

Renowned gerontologist Dr. Karl Pillemer surveyed 700 men and women between the ages of 60 and above, to ask them what they think can keep the spark alive, the website of Dr Brian Gersho says. Based on Karl’s findings, the website listed down a few ways to strengthen relationships at an older age.

“Each partner agrees to try one of their significant other’s hobbies, sports, or other interest that they haven’t previously participated in,” the first suggestion states, adding, “If suggestion #1 doesn’t apply or work out, decide on a new activity that interests both partners and learn about it together.”

“Focus on everyday little things that you appreciate about your partner. These “microinteractions” create positive connections that can have quite a big impact and really add up,” the website says,

It suggests that we surprise our partner with thoughtful gifts, “perhaps that new tennis racket he or she has been eyeing, or tickets to something you could do together, such as a theater performance you know she’d enjoy, or a sporting event he’d like to attend.”

Schedule a weekly date night, says the website. “It can be something as simple as an evening stroll through the neighborhood, or as adventurous as taking that hot air balloon ride you’ve heard about,” it adds.

In concluding points, it says, “Regularly compliment your partner and show your appreciation for his or her presence in your life. Everyone wants and needs to feel that he or she is valued and loved.”

It adds, “Even if a couple has no particular problematic issues to deal with, attending a few couples counseling sessions can enhance or “tune up” any relationship.”